slip-sliding away…..

Reminders

Posted by Yacoob on November 2, 2007

Salaams everyone, and I hope you’re well.

As you may have heard, Dreamlife has a Dreamlady, and they’ve been married nearly three weeks :) .

So, in the spirit of well wishes and many, many pieces of advice that were passed on to me since this all began, I’d like to share some gems which may seem obvious, but are important to remind oneself of.

They apply not only to the married couples, but also to those who are single, and those about to embark on this next phase of life – the partnership of marriage.

I’m posting this as a reminder for myself, as well as you, my readers, as these are principles to be mindful of; guidance to remember both pro-actively and re-actively, as you go forward in life as part of a duo.

This list is by no means complete: it’s an open list , so I’d like anyone who has advice to share it on this post – whether someone told it to you, or you learnt it yourself. Sharing is so important, and in matters like these, a little bit of advice can go a long way.

Ok, onto the Reminders:

  • Make lots of dua – both together and individually.
  • Take things one day at a time.
  • Communication is one of the most important aspects of the relationship. Always keep those lines of communication open, even when you’re in conflict.
  • Try to be independent as a couple. Help from others is ok, but let the help of others be supplementary, rather than your foundation.
  • Have good intentions for each other, always.
  • Comfort and affirm each other, especially in your spouse’s insecurities.
  • Accept their shortcomings and speak sensitively and constructively about them, rather than negatively and critically.
  • Don’t show them that you are doing favors by doing your duties.
  • When eating, don’t only feed yourself, feed them too: Not only does it go to the stomach but to the heart too.
  • Be each other’s best friend. Share your happiness and sorrow with them.
  • When arguments arise, deal with it and don’t run away from it. Don’t leave your wounds open for the germs to infect your relationship.
  • Don’t hold grudges. Deal with the littlest matters and don’t ignore them, for they may build up and will create a wall between you.
  • Never bring up mistakes of the past.
  • As much as possible, especially in stressful times, remember to smile at each other. After all, smiling is a form of Sadaqah.
  • Don’t share your home secrets with your friends. Keep your privacy, and don’t make it a garage sale.
  • Respect the boundaries of the intimate relationship- it’s a fragile matter.
  • Make an effort to dress up and look good for each other, even in your old age :) .

    and finally, but maybe most importantly:

  • Encourage each other to worship & obey Allah. And do things that will bring you closer to Allah TOGETHER – e.g. go for Islamic classes; read beneficial articles; watch something beneficial; listen to a lecture or recitation. By growing together in deen, insha-Allah Allah will not only increase you in Imaan and Taqwa, but bring your two hearts closer together.
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11 Responses to “Reminders”

  1. alia said

    keep no secrets- even ones that do not seem important- being secretive leads to suspicion in the next person- even though suspicion is from shaytaan, it still exists.

    BUT keep secrets between you and Allah. there are things with regards to your spiritual self that you shouldnt let anyone know- it’s the beauty of your realtionship with Allah.

    2. do not forget the beginning- no matter how much problems arise, never forget the moment that you knew he/she was ‘the one’. and always try and rekindle that feeling within yourself.

    3. look past the petty- we’re not perfect, but perfection comes when u discard the minor details- what’s that again? the devil’s in the detail?

    ok thats all for now…
    love u
    dreamlady ;)

  2. Fatima said

    awww :)
    congrats you too!
    may Allah grant you love & happiness always and inshallah may you find joy and comfort in each other always :)
    ameen :)

    thanks for the reminders, i need to keep them somewhere safe for my time in jan ;)

  3. 'liya said

    Congratulations!

    Good advice. Hope those 2 weeks have been beautiful and that your Dreamlady is very very happy :D

  4. shafinaaz said

    oh my!!!!!!!!! i cant stop smiling u guys! i absolutely love the
    ‘A DreamLady for DreamLife’ metaphor!
    in fact.. i should write a book about it and have it illustrated :P

    lol! jj..

    im not gona repeat the messages.. cept to say may Allah SWT keep you in the shade of Mercy and Beauty throughout your journey together :) and may the two of you continue to be an inspiration to those whose lives you touch every new day..

    wslm:)

  5. saaleha said

    noted and filed:)
    from what i’ve just read, i’d say dreamlife and dreamlady are perfectly paired.
    congratulations you two:)

  6. Dreamlife said

    in the words of Elvis: “thank you…thank you very much!”

    (except i don’t have the voice of Elvis ;)

    need to add more to this list though…anyone with more tips, feel free to add.

  7. Maliha said

    Mabrook! Alf Mabrook! Three weeks and you are already dispensing advice huh? May He nurture your bonds with His rains of baraka, winds of Mercy and Divine love and acceptance. May He grant you righteous offspring and orient you towards what is meaningful and enduring…always. (amin.)

  8. shabz said

    hey dreamlife and dreamlady :)
    thanx 4 breakfast , it was great seeing you guys :)
    hope ur well :)

  9. Zahera said

    ooh wooww! SubhanAllah thats wonderful news! So Alia is your dreamlady! :-D MashaAllah you 2 make a wonderful couple and i pray that Allah (swt) guides your marriage and blesses you both in abundance! Ameen.

    Tis the season to get married it seems :-P Excellent advice youve given. Id say the most important thing is to Love each other for the sake of Allah. When you love something or someone for the sake of Allah there is so much barakah in it- subhanAllah i cant deny this at all :-)
    Communication is very important. So many relationships break down because spouses cant speak to one another about what is on their mind- this person is supposed to be part of your own soul, you should inshaAllah be able to speak openly and sometimes even understand their silences.

    Id say another thing is to have sabr. Marriage is not easy; its hard work and there is alot of adjusting and sacrifices to be made on both parts- but if you see each other as parts of yourself and make sacrifices that will be of benefit- they wont even seem like sacrifices inshaAllah!

    Once again, Mabrooks and wish you both the best! :-D

  10. bb-aisha said

    congrats again. I came across this once, can’t remember it exactly but ‘If both wake up for fajr daily then small arguments will not turn into major ones, and Allah will bless the home and love always’

  11. al said

    introspect introspect and introspect—- no matter how cosy and cushy life seems, looking into yourself critically is important. not only to see what your needs are but also if u are failing-fulfilling the needs of your spouse

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