slip-sliding away…..

Indulgence impulse

Posted by Yacoob on September 21, 2010

The following is a true story:

I pigged out last night – and I’m ashamed. After supper, I had a piece of Cadbury Fudge chocolate. The taste wasn’t what I was craving, so I had a marshmallow. That should have been enough – but it wasn’t.

The baby was being put to sleep, and there was still time before Esha.

A whisper came to my mind: ‘You hardly ever get time to just relax and read your book. Why don’t you do that now, and have a nice chocolate with it?’

I gave in.

I had a TV Bar while reading my book.

But still, the taste was not what I was looking for. Something was not being satisfied.

Another whisper: ‘Have something  else, and maybe you’ll get what you’re after.’

Then my wife came downstairs, and had her own TV Bar.

Another impulse came – telling me maybe her chocolate was what I was craving.

I tried to take some – but she didn’t let me have it. (She’s territorial about her chocolate – as am I.)

We talked a bit, and then she pulled out a lamington from her handbag (which doesn’t happen often). Our old neighbour had given it to her earlier that day.

Not wanting it to go to waste (or, really, not wanting her to have all of it) – I had some.

And I don’t think it satisfied me either.

Now, at that point, I’d eaten so much crap that I couldn’t possibly have more.

So then I went to the masjid for Esha, and there was a janazah. One thought that ran through my mind was:

“One day / night, that’s going to be me in that coffin. My soul will be leaving this world. And on the final Day, I’ll have to explain myself. As trivial as this indulgence seemed – how will I explain it? How can I justify having 4 different sweets in one night?”

The answer is simple: greed. I have an impulse to indulge – particularly in junk food.

Combine that with the whispers which come from those unseen (you know, the folks that have recently been released from their month-long incarceration) – and you have a solid trap to catch me.

So I resolved to be better the next day, insha-Allah.

I know not to give in to these desires. Actually, the desire for the taste – the craving – isn’t even strong at this point. (It gets stronger the further away I get from Ramadan). Yet I give in and indulge – out of habit.

And so, when I came home that night – right when I walked in – I again wanted something. My first instinct was to give in – until I remembered my intention to restrain myself.

The struggle has resumed. And I’m starting off from a point of weakness.

I really need to break this indulgence impulse. Perhaps I should brush my teeth right after supper?

Any other ideas?

11 Responses to “Indulgence impulse”

  1. sumayyah said

    good to know there’s someone else with this type of problem. we are havin sum trouble gettin the tot to sleep at anytime before 11:30, as a result we end up watching more TV than we usually would and with TV comes popcorn, Lays, chevro, Dairy Milk Cashew and Coconut…yesterday we vowed to stop buying Coke again…we had substituted it for Liqui Fruit and occasional Jungle Yum but come holidays and so do Coke-drinking guests…

  2. Dreamlife said

    I tried the substitution thing a few years ago for the work day: change some of the sweets for nuts. It didn’t really work – because nuts don’t taste very good – or as good as sweets. Unless, of course, you add salt to it…but that makes it unhealthy doesn’t it?

  3. Azra said

    And I thought I was the only one :P What I’ve been doing for the past year or so is that I usually have supper after magrieb with a glass of water before the meal and two after (sipping)… then I tell myself that I’m only allowed one cup of Milo with fat-free milk for the rest of the evening. And thats what I have around 8:30pm -9pm. If I’m hungry after that, I drink hot/warm water for the rest of the evening… nothing quells my appetite faster :)

    Also try having fruit instead of snacks. Try to eat things that have no salt (salt triggers all cravings) and sugar too. Unfortunately, we have to train ourselves in these ways.

  4. Azra said

    And PS. Thanks for killing me with that pic of the cake :P

  5. Dreamlife said

    Interesting idea. I think some of my indulgence is stress-related though – like, comfort eating. I don’t know if water will satiate me – or if i’ll have the discipline to just say no – but it may be worth a try.

    Fruit would obviously be an alternative – but i eat no fruit. at all. (and it’s not THAT weird – I’ve heard of a few others who are the same :)

  6. bb_aisha said

    I think the answer lies in your question ‘How will I justify the greed?’
    I don’t think occasional indulgence is wrong, though.

  7. Azra said

    Maybe you should go to the root of the problem aka what is stressing you out and how to deal with it. I’ve been pretty stressed myself and I haven’t worked out / gym’d much during winter, so I started again and I must say it’s helping me a lot. And I don’t do much, just pilates and yoga for about 45 min a day.

    The hot / warm water is not designed to satiate. It’s designed to nauseate :D Well not nauseate per se, but it’s definitely up that alley. Put it to you this way… it’s not nice and theres no gratification. But once it goes down, it takes away any craving you have. Well that works for me anyway.

  8. Dreamlife said

    Azra:
    Well, it’s not really complicated. The stresses are just everyday things which come with life. They’re not really things that can be avoided – so it just comes down to how I manage them.

    But thank you, again, for the water suggestion. Perhaps I’ll give it a try…

    BB Aisha:
    I know…my conscience should drive me to be more disciplined. It’s a struggle, though. A big struggle.

  9. sumayyah said

    thanks again Azra…you have given me much inspiration this week.@Dreamlife no fruits hey?we tried strawberries but they taste that much better dipped in chocolate. do you eat salads though? i believe substituting lettuce for bread works wonders for the body but we rnt that big on green salad…potato and pasta salad works but thats plain carbo loading…

  10. Dreamlife said

    No no no..no fruits, no salads. None.

  11. al said

    no fruit no veg no salad. just popping pills that are supposed to give his body the vitamins that fruit and veg give…

    no wonder we are nearly every month at the doc’s office.

    cravings: well, i think dreamlife has given me choc cravings, before we married i was a health freak- i did’nt like eating choc, it made me feel gross, and i ate lots of steam veg- like plain brocolli. ask me to do that now- no way!!

    it’s all his fault.

    we once went to marriage classes, and the teacher was saying that you should never marry an addict thinking you will change him/her. instead they will change you into an addict/substance abuser.

    well, it’s proven true for chocoholics!!

    i am officially a fat blob of a chocoholic, thanks to dreamy, which of course i cannot really blame, but i do anyway!!!

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