I once had a dream,
a desperate and beautiful desire,
to share my life with another,
in a bond unlike any other.
To no longer be alone and unloved,
but to be a garment unto another,
a soulmate – to accompany me through
the journey of life.
And then that dream came true.
But along with the ecstasy came much more:
the increased busy-ness of life,
the moments when we’d fight,
the burden of being responsible for another,
and the tensions that arose out of the new circumstances.
After it all settled down,
I was left wondering: Where to next?
What was my goal to be now?
What would drive me -
with such stubborn persistence –
to achieve a new goal, held dearly to my heart?
And for a long time,
I knew not;
And felt disoriented –
no longer the person I was before,
yet not completely comfortable in the new role I had taken on.
I lost myself –
that deeper me,
the one who spent long periods in solitude,
giving birth to reflections
of what my heart held,
and what my soul yearned for.
And then came another,
a precious little soul under my guardianship;
the fulfillment of another dream –
yet one which I hadn’t hoped for that soon.
to grasp at something so close to my heart,
was not there.
as we approach the blessed days of the year,
I find my heart is speaking to me of dreams once more;
the dream to make my pilgrimage,
to fulfill the obligation that I’d put off for years before,
but not merely as the doing of a duty –
but a genuine yearning
to return to my Lord;
faults and all,
and give myself over to Him,
let go of everything;
and let my soul soak in His Mercy,
on the journey of ultimate spiritual ascension.
More than ever before,
I feel connected to this journey;
and I pray – each day –
that He allow me to make it in the coming year;
while life is not yet over-burdening,
and my mind is still young enough
to make those life-changing sacrifices
which I know I must –
when I return from this journey.
I want to go.
I need to go.
And a year from now,
I’ll be on my way.