slip-sliding away…..

Dreams re-awoken

Posted by Yacoob on October 8, 2010

I once had a dream,
a desperate and beautiful desire,
to share my life with another,
in a bond unlike any other.

To no longer be alone and unloved,
but to be a garment unto another,
a soulmate – to accompany me through
the journey of life.

And then that dream came true.

But along with the ecstasy came much more:
the increased busy-ness of life,
the moments when we’d fight,
the burden of being responsible for another,
and the tensions that arose out of the new circumstances.

After it all settled down,
I was left wondering: Where to next?
What was my goal to be now?
What would drive me -
with such stubborn persistence –
to achieve a new goal, held dearly to my heart?

And for a long time,
I knew not;
And felt disoriented –
no longer the person I was before,
yet not completely comfortable in the new role I had taken on.

I lost myself –
that deeper me,
the one who spent long periods in solitude,
giving birth to reflections
of what my heart held,
and what my soul yearned for.

And then came another,
a precious little soul under my guardianship;
the fulfillment of another dream –
yet one which I hadn’t hoped for that soon.

But still,
the drive,
the ambition,
to grasp at something so close to my heart,
was not there.

And now,
as we approach the blessed days of the year,
I find my heart is speaking to me of dreams once more;
the dream to make my pilgrimage,
to fulfill the obligation that I’d put off for years before,
but not merely as the doing of a duty –
but a genuine yearning
to return to my Lord;
faults and all,
and give myself over to Him,
let go of everything;
and let my soul soak in His Mercy,
on the journey of ultimate spiritual ascension.

More than ever before,
I feel connected to this journey;
and I pray – each day –
that He allow me to make it in the coming year;
while life is not yet over-burdening,
and my mind is still young enough
to make those life-changing sacrifices
which I know I must –
when I return from this journey.

I want to go.
I need to go.
And a year from now,
I pray,
I’ll be on my way.

 

I once had a dream,

a desperate and beautiful desire,

to share my life with another,

in a bond unlike any other.

 

To no longer be alone and unloved,

but to be a garment unto another,

a soulmate – to accompany me through

the journey of life.

 

And then that dream came true.

 

But along with the ecstasy came much more:

the increased hectic-ness of life,

the moments when we’d fight,

the burden of being responsible for another,

and the tensions that arose out of the new circumstances.

 

After it all settled down,

I was left wondering: Where to next?

What was my goal to be now?

What would drive me -

with such stubborn persistence –

to achieve a new goal, held dearly to my heart?

 

And for a long time,

I knew not;

And felt disoriented –

no longer the person I was before,

yet not completely comfortable in the new role I had taken on.

 

I lost myself –

that deeper me,

the one who spent long periods in solitude,

giving birth to reflections

of what my heart held,

and what my soul yearned for.

 

And then came another,

a precious little soul under my guardianship;

the fulfillment of another dream –

yet one which I hadn’t hoped for that soon.

 

But still,

the drive,

the ambition,

to grasp at something so close to my heart,

was not there.

 

And now,

as we approach the blessed days of the year,

I find my heart is speaking to me of dreams once more;

the dream to make my pilgrimage,

to fulfill the obligation that I’d put off for years before,

but not merely as the doing of a duty –

but a genuine yearning

to return to my Lord;

faults and all,

and give myself over to Him,

let go of everything;

and let my soul soak in his Mercy,

on the journey of ultimate spiritual ascension.

 

More than ever before,

I feel connected to this journey;

and I pray – each day –

that He allow me to make it in the coming year;

while life is not yet over-burdening,

and my mind is still young enough

to make those life-changing sacrifices

which I know I must –

when I return from this journey.

 

I want to go.

I need to go.

And a year from now,

I pray,

I’ll be on my way.

4 Responses to “Dreams re-awoken”

  1. saaleha said

    Inshallah. Ameen.
    :)

  2. bb_aisha said

    Thumma Ameen

  3. dreamlass said

    the yearning has always been there- but like a far away dream for me, something not so tangible.

    and now, it might be and i’m still skeptical that it will be…

    i’m glad you are convinced though, and preparing…i need some pushing though

  4. aimie said

    beautiful :) and insha’Allah you will soon. ameen.

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