Calm before the storm

There isn’t  sorrow.
There isn’t clinging onto what has become so familiar:
     the environment I get to be in,
     the people I pray with, who i am surrounded by – working and not working.
There’s no ‘mental journey of appreciation’ either:
I’ve done that already, months ago, and find no need to revisit the thoughts I have,
the gratefulness I have, for being Blessed with this experience.
I have been part of a community:
Brothers have smiled at me, shook my hand, shown me the warmth and affection of unity
that I have not had, not been a part of, not belonged, all my life.
Where my future lies, I do not know.
There is no anxiety yet – the reality of impending unemployment has not made its way to me again yet.
But I have Faith.
Beyond the thoughts of worry, the unease of uncertainty,
the perception that ‘no job means marriage is not yet possible’….

Brain, mind, thoughts, ideas aside – in my heart there is contentment over this;

For God has given me such great blessings in this career – this professional side of life – thus far.
I am confident now, in my strengths: i know what they are,
truly know where my strengths lie,
and I am better for it: both personally, AND professionally.

And that bids well for my future. For the fulfillment, once again, of one of my very few goals when it comes to ‘work’.
In my time here, I have come to know that I’ve moved on – inside – progressed beyond the insecurity of my teenage and varsity life.

I’m still shy, yes, but I’m confident in myself. I don’t feel “less” than the others; I don’t lack what I used to consider ‘normality’.

I am firmly footed in who I am and how I want to live my life.
I don’t have a plan,
but I have ambitions, and ideas –
a river of ideas sometimes –
and underlying my future, I have something more important than any Honours degree;
more assuring than any educational or professional qualification;
more real than all of those things:

                    I have Faith. I have Guidance.
                    I have what is the most beautiful thing in my life;
                    my relationship with my Creator.
And that – no matter what life throws my way (in ANY area of life) – is what will bring me through this world and this life I have been given.


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