Posted by Yacoob on November 2, 2007
Salaams everyone, and I hope you’re well.
As you may have heard, Dreamlife has a Dreamlady, and they’ve been married nearly three weeks :) .
So, in the spirit of well wishes and many, many pieces of advice that were passed on to me since this all began, I’d like to share some gems which may seem obvious, but are important to remind oneself of.
They apply not only to the married couples, but also to those who are single, and those about to embark on this next phase of life – the partnership of marriage.
I’m posting this as a reminder for myself, as well as you, my readers, as these are principles to be mindful of; guidance to remember both pro-actively and re-actively, as you go forward in life as part of a duo.
This list is by no means complete: it’s an open list , so I’d like anyone who has advice to share it on this post – whether someone told it to you, or you learnt it yourself. Sharing is so important, and in matters like these, a little bit of advice can go a long way.
Ok, onto the Reminders:
- Make lots of dua – both together and individually.
- Take things one day at a time.
- Communication is one of the most important aspects of the relationship. Always keep those lines of communication open, even when you’re in conflict.
- Try to be independent as a couple. Help from others is ok, but let the help of others be supplementary, rather than your foundation.
- Have good intentions for each other, always.
- Comfort and affirm each other, especially in your spouse’s insecurities.
- Accept their shortcomings and speak sensitively and constructively about them, rather than negatively and critically.
- Don’t show them that you are doing favors by doing your duties.
- When eating, don’t only feed yourself, feed them too: Not only does it go to the stomach but to the heart too.
- Be each other’s best friend. Share your happiness and sorrow with them.
- When arguments arise, deal with it and don’t run away from it. Don’t leave your wounds open for the germs to infect your relationship.
- Don’t hold grudges. Deal with the littlest matters and don’t ignore them, for they may build up and will create a wall between you.
- Never bring up mistakes of the past.
- As much as possible, especially in stressful times, remember to smile at each other. After all, smiling is a form of Sadaqah.
- Don’t share your home secrets with your friends. Keep your privacy, and don’t make it a garage sale.
- Respect the boundaries of the intimate relationship- it’s a fragile matter.
- Make an effort to dress up and look good for each other, even in your old age :) .
and finally, but maybe most importantly:
- Encourage each other to worship & obey Allah. And do things that will bring you closer to Allah TOGETHER – e.g. go for Islamic classes; read beneficial articles; watch something beneficial; listen to a lecture or recitation. By growing together in deen, insha-Allah Allah will not only increase you in Imaan and Taqwa, but bring your two hearts closer together.