(Part 1 written on 12th January 2009; Part 2 written on 22nd October 2009)
Before I forget,
Let me scribble down
The thoughts I wish to express –
Record for my own self
As a memory of this moment of my life.
Before I move on,
Let me remember the feeling
Of being submerged in the biggest part of my planet;
Wave after wave,
Gentle and rough,
Smoothly-contoured and wildly spread;
Facing head on,
And turning my back;
Being moved by the never-ending forces of push and pull,
So vastly spread in oceans off every land mass in existence.
Shall I remember the outrage and mourning?
Of hundreds being massacred,
Each and every day
By an enemy whose heart is black,
Forever stained by the crimes they’ve committed against the innocent,
The innocent they wish to wipe out,
All for a small worldly gain.
Yet their arrogance in the earth
Will earn them all they deserve in Eternity,
If only they remembered –
If only they believed.
Shall I recall?
The memory of grandparents passed;
Layed to rest under lumps of soil,
Never to speak again in this world,
Yet their legacies live on
Through children now grown up,
With new generations following the established cycle of life:
From conception to birth,
Childhood to marriage,
Children to death,
And so it begins again.
Shall I spare a moment?
In thought of the seed I’ve planted,
The precious little one who now grows each day
In the womb of his/her first university;
Whose pain I’ve not understood,
Whose frustration I can only hear about – but never feel.
Shall I stop to think?
Of the aspirations we have for our little bean,
How much we hope (s)he will live out the dreams we never could,
Contribute to this world the things we were not strong enough to;
For it seems our destiny was not to fulfill these bold ambitions –
But to lay the foundations for the next generation,
Who would start their journey much earlier than we,
And exhibit the nobility of character we ourselves could not attain.
– – –
Now that I’m back,
Let me continue
this hodgepodge of themes and thoughts,
and things that sit inside,
stifled by the busy-ness of life,
never finding their way into written expression.
Let me marvel
At the growing love that manifests itself before my very heart,
spending precious moments with the little soul that has been entrusted to my care.
Let me imagine
All that I want to do for her,
help her with,
protect her from,
teach and mould her to be.
Let me enjoy
the moments of the evening where she lays sprawled out on me,
tired from her day of playing, eating, fussing, and sleeping.
Let me express
my amazement at this miniature being,
who is now so utterly dependent on us,
yet in a few years
she’ll be doing her own thing,
perhaps – in innocence – making much mischief,
and needing near-constant supervision.
But before then,
can I stop to think of my own ambitions?
My own desire to use my abilities and passions
in ways that benefit others as well as myself.
Will I ever have the time?
To let loose that which is in me,
for a prolonged period,
Seeing my potential manifest before my eyes:
in conveyance of goodness from the depths of my being,
to the malleable hearts of those in search of direction.
Yet the guidance comes not from me,
but merely through me;
And maybe – just maybe –
someday I’ll find a larger stage to put forward amalgamations of
while still being cautious of the pride that could creep in and corrupt my intention,
thereby destroying my reward.
Before the thoughts run dry
Let me end here,
returning to my ‘normal’ life
of day to day, 7 to 4, routine action to routine action,
broken up by weekends.
But hoping to see – more constantly – the bigger picture:
that this life is not just an aimless Matrix,
but rather a means to a bright future –
which requires striving in the present,
a long wait until the end,
by God’s mercy,
an everlasting Peace as the final destination.