Have you ever felt so consumed by something that it sometimes feels like it takes over your identity? You can’t remember the feelings of being free of it…what life felt like before it took centre stage and dominated your world.
To some degree, that’s the feeling I have regarding the book – which, if you’ve been reading for the past year or so – you should be very familiar with by now. I love the project. I’m passionate about it, and I put a lot of time and effort into trying to get it out there.
As of now, it is out there in e-book format – though I still need to get the print version done.
But it’s also felt like a burden at times. Especially when I consider what my writing output has been over the past year or so – which is when I really started pushing to finalise everything.
This blog used to be a home for pretty much anything I wanted to publish – whether that be poetry, reflections, themed photo galleries, or something else. But since September 2018, it feels like 90% of what’s posted here is either related to the book, or just new poems.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m grateful that the poetic inspiration is flowing more easily nowadays – as compared to five years ago, when it felt like that part of me was dead and deeply buried. But I don’t want to be pigeon-holed. I don’t want to be considered someone who harps on with what he believes are fairly decent poems and talks non-stop about a book. As if that’s what my entire life is about.
It couldn’t be further from the truth. But I fear that that’s the perception.
What do you think?
For those who are relatively new readers – i.e. you’ve been following within the past year – what is your perception of me? What is it you think I write / produce most?
Do you go back through the archives and look at older stuff? Or do you just look at whatever comes up first on your reader / screen?
The life to come
I suppose it’s completely natural to be this entrenched within a project: what’s inside is what gets projected to the outside, and because this has been such a big focus, most output on this blog is about it.
But – publishing excitement aside – once it’s completely done, I am really, really looking forward to moving beyond this book. I probably won’t just abandon it once it’s out there in all formats – because there will always be some degree of ongoing promotion, I think.
But I’d like it to become like a picture on the wall: something that beautifies my life, but is just there in the background. No longer weighing me down. No longer dominating my time or thoughts.
That said, I also fear what will happen once it’s over. Can things ever just go back to the way they were? Will I be able to just write as freely as I used to? Or will the shadow of the book fall over everything I express in future?
And will I feel the urge to do it all again with another book?
That’s laughable at this point, because I feel like I need an extended break from it all. This project has been in the works – on and off – for more than 3 years now.
I look forward to the liberation I hope is coming. And I hope that the freedom will lead to other writing. Writing which fulfills me internally – which was always the primary reason I wrote.
I already have something in mind…so it seems that the creative juices may be on the way back.